Home is where the heart is
by Dutchie15
Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she’s feeling down, and he’s just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? [CaRWash]
1. Missing Second

**Title: Home is where the heart is.**

**Author: Nikki, a.k.a Dutchie. But Nikki will do.**

**Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash**

**A/N: Finally trying a multichap again, I just hope I can manage to finish it for once.**

* * *

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it I don't understand

If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

* * *

**Chapter one: Missing second.**

Calleigh sighed and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. She couldn't believe that the one day she decided not to wear a ponytail to work, was the day she had to go through tons of evidence in the burning sun. And she was alone, so everything that needed to be done, she had to do herself.

She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and sealed the evidence bag she was holding, in which she had just carefully put a bullet casing. She took a few moments to regain energy. The extreme heat was exhausting her pretty easily.

"Hey…figured you could use a drink." A voice said. She looked up to see Ryan kneeling next to her, holding up a bottle of water. She took it from him with a thankful smile and took a large gulp, then holding the cold bottle against her forehead in an attempt to cool herself.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. "It's your day off today, right?"

"It is, but Horatio called me to say you were all on your own."

"You didn't have to come."

"Looking at you, I think I did."

He smiled at her and watched her as she took another sip. Even in these unbearable circumstances, she looked great. Her hair was sticking to her forehead with sweat, but it looked cute.

"Lots of casings." Ryan said, looking around. "Care to fill me in?"

"Gang shootout. Alexx took the body, I'm left collecting everything."

"Poor you. You don't really look good…no offence."

"None taken. I don't feel good either. I've been working on the scene for 2 hours now and I'm nowhere near done."

"Maybe you should take a break. Go sit in the shadow and drink that water. I'll take over."

"Oh, no, I'm okay. It's my scene and I can manage it…"

She trailed off as she saw Ryan look at her in that way…that way that told her he completely disagreed with every word she was saying. She's seen that look many times before and though she didn't really want to admit to it, he was right.

"Alright." She sighed and gave in. "Thanks Ryan."

"No problem. Last thing I want is for you to get ill."

"I'm never ill." Calleigh said as she stood up and walked towards a big tree on the side of the scene, which was a - rather empty for such a warm day - park.

"First time for everything." Ryan called after her and she lifted her hand, moving it like he was an irritating fly she wanted to hit.

Ryan grinned but then turned serious and changed into work mode. He collected the remainder of bullet casings, photographed and lifted a tire thread, bagged a broken fingernail (painted in a lovely shade of red) and swabbed a few drops of blood for DNA testing.

"Okay, I'm done." He said, looking over at her.

When he didn't get a reply he made his way over to his car, placed all the evidence in it, grabbed a bottle of water for himself and went to check on her. His lips curled up into a sweet smile as he saw the reason she didn't reply to him; she was asleep.

Hanging half against the tree, her eyes closed, her chest slowly moving up and down, she was far away from the heat and the business of the day. He crouched down in front of her and brushed a strain of hair out of her face and behind her ear. She stirred and her eyelashes fluttered before she opened her eyes, looking up at him.

"Hey there sleeping beauty."

"Sleeping what…? I fell asleep? Oh god, I'm so sorry…"

He silenced her by putting a finger on her lips, something that sent an electric jolt through both of their spines. He quickly pulled his hand back.

"It doesn't matter. Obviously you needed it." He said.

"I should've helped you here, what time is it?"

"It didn't take me long."

"You're lying." Calleigh said, pointing a finger at him.

He looked at the sky and then back at her, grinning again. She crossed her arms and stared at him, a determined look on her face. Ryan laughed and threw up his hands in surrender.

"Fine, it took me quite a while, but I didn't even realize it until I checked my watch when I was done."

"I owe you big time Ryan."

"Oh, yeah you do." Ryan nodded playfully.

"I'll make it up to you one day, I promise."

"I sure hope you do." He winked. "Did it help?"

"Did what help?"

"The little nap you took."

"Oh that." She smiled. "That helped a lot. I'm still warm though."

"Let me help you with that."

Ryan unscrewed the capsule of his bottle and before she could even think about what he was going to do he threw a quarter of the water over her. She sat up straight immediately and pulled her now wet shirt, but when she let it go it stuck to her body again. She was glad it wasn't a white shirt.

"Oh…my…Ryan Wolfe you are so gonna get it now!"

He jumped up and he started to run, feeling the last drops from her bottle touching his back. He turned back.

"Ha! Your bottle is empty!" He teased.

"Not fair, you took a fresh one!" Calleigh said, glaring at his trunk.

"Oh no Cal, you wouldn't dare…"

He was wrong. She did dare. Taking a sprint she reached his trunk, stopping herself with her hands.

"Hey! You're gonna wash that car now!"

She didn't listen; she opened the trunk and saw she had been right. There were more bottles of water in there. Grabbing one she ran after him, unscrewed it, and splashed some at him.

"You have a lousy throw Duquesne."

"Wait until I get to you Wolfe; wait until I…get…to…you!"

She had quickened her pace and when he wanted to run away again, she grabbed his arm to prevent him from doing so. She turned the bottle and poured the entire contains over his head.

"Do you really think that's funny?" He asked her, drops falling from his hair.

"I think it's hilarious." Calleigh smirked.

"Really? Here's some more to laugh about then."

In her triumph, Calleigh had forgotten that Ryan still had water as well and now he poured it over her head. She jumped.

"That's not funny!" She said.

"Oh yeah, that's funny." He replied.

She giggled. "We're pathetic."

"No, we were warm. There's a difference." Ryan pointed out.

Calleigh laughed a happy southern laugh and turned to face him. He threw the now empty bottle aside, with the mental not to pick it up again later – God forbid he'd leave it on the ground – and she followed his example. He looked at her hand still holding his arm, and she moved it upwards, onto his shoulder.

He reached out and wiped away the water from her cheek, brushing it with his thumb. He knew this was a bad idea, he knew they were on the clock working together, but seeing her there like that made his brain pop to zero and his heartbeat raise to about 200.

She rose on her tiptoes and leaned in dangerously close and if there were any working brain cells left in Ryan's head they'd died by now. His body was fully taking over as he wrapped his arms around her and went to close the small gap between them.

But in the last second, the last heartbeat, the last inch she turned her face away from him. She rose down to her feet again and her arms removed themselves from him, one arm holding the other one in a shy way, making her look like a little child that had just done something very bad.

"I…uh…" She stuttered. "Jake…"

And he remembered. She couldn't kiss him. She couldn't touch him. She couldn't even be near him. She was with Jake.

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TBC...

The song is called 'If you're not the one' by Daniel Bedingfield. Reviews fill my heart and I write better with a full heart.


	2. Life's not long

**Title: Home is where the heart is.**

**Author: Nikki, a.k.a Dutchie. But Nikki will do.**

**Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash**

**Disclaimer: (forgot this in chapter one) They're not mine, though I like to make everyone believe they are.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, they make my day.**

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You were everything, everything that I wanted

We were meant to be supposed to be, but we lost it

All of our memories so close to me just fade away

All this time we were pretending

So much for my happy ending

* * *

**Chapter two: Life's not long.**

"Where the hell where you?"

"I was at work, and afterwards I stopped at the mall to get something."

"I asked you to be home at six. I made reservations in a restaurant for over an hour ago!"

"Well maybe you should've told me you made plans, so I wouldn't have made my own ones."

"I was going to surprise you! You always loved surprises!"

"I still do, I just didn't count on it and bought stuff for dinner."

Calleigh said harsh as she placed the shopping bags on the counter, starting to unpack them.

"What are you doing at my place anyway?" She asked.

"Don't go attacking me now; you gave me the key yourself."

"For emergencies, not to invade my home and just walk in here whenever you want. Look what a mess you made of my floor. I only have one chance a week to clean that properly."

"Then quit your job."

She snorted insulted.

"Why that? So I can play Miss. Ideal Housewife?

"That's not what I meant. It's only a suggestion."

"One you know I'll turn down."

Jake walked up behind her and placed his hands on the counter, one on each side of her. He kissed the side of her neck but she turned away from him, placing something in the top shelf of her cabinet.

"Okay baby, I'm sorry. We can go out tomorrow." He said, touching her arm.

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Don't you want to go out?"

"Not everyday. I like being home, you know, just watch a movie…"

He let go of her arm and she knew he didn't care about being home. For an undercover agent there was no home. Home was where you were working that day. And today he wasn't working, so he made her home his home. But she wasn't sure if she was ready for a step like that.

"Come on; let's sit down on the couch." He gestured for her to go first and while she actually wanted to put the rest of the groceries away, she let him place his hand on the small of her back and lead her to the couch, where they say down. He took her hand.

"Calleigh, listen. I didn't mean to come here and fight with you. I wanted to have a nice evening with you somewhere in a restaurant, but that's okay. If you'd rather stay at home, we'll sta…"

He'd been running his finger over her arm and had reached her hair, which was still unmistakably moist from the water fight with Ryan. He shook his hand to get the water off it.

"You're wet. What have you been doing?" He asked.

"We had a…crime scene in a pool; I had to get the body out." She lied, hoping it wasn't visible.

"You? I thought that Delko guy was your diver."

"He was, I mean he is, but he was on another case and I told Horatio not to call him. I can swim."

"You didn't even get to blow-dry your hair?"

"No time. But it's fine."

He raised an eyebrow. She shrugged and tried to smile, but she couldn't. Instead she opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say. He spoke:

"What was I saying? Right, if you'd rather stay at home we'll stay at home."

Jake did smile at her and now she was able to return something that vaguely looked like a smile, but wasn't one inside. Her eyes didn't smile, and if her eyes didn't smile, she didn't smile. But he didn't notice.

"Now, what would you like to do, at home?"

"I…" Her voice sounded scarily not like hers. "I have to finish…putting away the…" She pointed back to the kitchen.

"Oh that…that can wait…that can all wait."

He leaned in and placed a hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer, but she placed her hands on his chest.

"Jake…not tonight."

"Not tonight. You've been saying that ever since we got back together."

"I know that, it's just…"

"Oh I know what it is. You don't wanna rush things."

"Exactly." Calleigh sighed, glad he understood.

He removed his hand from her neck and brought it to her chin, lifting her head to look at him.

"Calleigh, we don't have time to take things slow."

Her eyes widened. "Wha…what do you mean?"

"Don't look at me like that. You're looking like I'm going to hit you or something. What I mean is, look at our jobs. One of us could be shot and killed tomorrow. Think about it, if I would get shot and killed tomorrow, what would you do? What would you say? What would you think? Life's not long Calleigh, life's short, and you have to make the best of it."

Calleigh thought about it. But in her thoughts it wasn't Jake who got shot and killed. It was Ryan. If he'd get shot and killed tomorrow, she would never forgive herself for the ending their day the way it had. She would cry, most likely, and scream, and lock herself up somewhere, refusing to come out ever again.

"You wouldn't like that, now would you?" Jake made her snap out of her thoughts.

"No…of course not."

He touched her cheek and she felt guilty for thinking about Ryan if Jake was with her. Ryan was over, flirting with him was fun, but it didn't lead anywhere. Ryan was over and Jake was here. But if Ryan was over then why was she thinking about him? And if flirting with his didn't lead anywhere, then how come they almost kissed today?

"Of course not." She repeated.

"Good. Then what do you want to do tonight?"

"Nothing. I mean, I think I caught a cold from that pool. I'd rather just crawl into bed. I'm sorry Jake."

"Nothing?" He laughed. "Nothing you say, that's a good one."

"I'm serious Jake, I don't feel good."

He stood up and looked down on her.

"Oh, so here I am, going through all this trouble to get dinner reservations, which you blew by not coming home in time, then I agree to stay home and do something, anything at all, and you say you THINK you caught a cold. That's nice. That's really nice."

She stood up as well.

"I really can't afford to get sick right now. Work is chaos, you should know that."

"Work is chaos. Calleigh my work is constant chaos; do you see me getting sick?"

"You're not me. I can't do that."

"You can't do that. That's…that's too bad for you. Go on, crawl into your bed, I'll call some friends who do want to do something."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

The door slammed shut and Calleigh fell back down on the couch, bringing a hand to her head. Jake left her without knowing he had just taught her a very valuable life-lesson. And even if she didn't know if yet, this lesson was going to influence every decision she was going to make from now on.

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What did you think? Great? Okay? Bad? Terrible? Let me know. Song is 'My happy ending' by Avril Lavigne. 


	3. Seems I just can't tell you

**Title: Home is where the heart is.  
****Author: Nikki, a.k.a Dutchie. But Nikki will do.  
****Disclaimer: Still not mine.  
****Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
****A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating, I had a busy period. I hope this satisfies your needs for a while.**

* * *

How can you see into my eyes  
like open doors  
Leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb  
Without a soul  
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home.

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**Chapter three: Seems I just can't tell you**

Ryan took a bit of the apple in his hand as he made his way through the lab. He had the trace results, the ballistic results - thank god Calleigh had just been out of the lab so he didn't have to face her as he picked up the files – and now he only needed the DNA results.

When he approached the DNA lab he heard two feminine voices talk in such a soft way it was impossible not to miss is wasn't work related. He stopped in the doorstep. Natalia was leaning her elbows on the table, playing with the bracelet around her arm. Valera was sitting on her chair, moving it from left to right.

"Yeah, my friend lives next to them and she phoned me and told me they were yelling."

"They were yelling? Did she hear about what?

"Not really, she caught some words."

Ryan coughed and both women looked up. They stared at him for a second before turning back to their conversation. He rolled his eyes.

"Do you have my DNA results off the fingernail Maxine?"

"Why yes Ryan I do. Female, no surprise there, and no match in CODIS."

"Shit. A dead end."

"Unless you happen to have a suspect in custody with red polished nails, yeah."

"Okay, thanks."

The minute he turned away they continued.

"What kind of words did she hear?" Natalia asked.

"She didn't tell me exactly, but it came down to a lot of screaming from Jake."

On his way to the door, Ryan stopped and turned.

"Jake?" He asked. "Jake Berkeley?"

"Yeah." Valera said. "Remember Evelyn, my friend from college?"

Ryan nodded, he remembered her. Pretty woman, smart…not his type though. But nevertheless a nice person.

"She lives next to Cal, actually Cal made sure she could, and yesterday she overheard a fight between her and Jake."

"Really?" Ryan tried to act unaffected. "What was it about?"

"Like I just said, she didn't hear much, but what she told me was that Calleigh had gone swimming while Jake wanted to go to a restaurant with her."

Ryan now tried his hardest not to burst out in laughter. Calleigh had gone swimming. If only they knew…

"That…doesn't sound like a reason for a fight." Natalia said.

"You know Jake?" Valera asked.

"No."

"He's a potential Nick. Stay on his good side you're fine. Get on his bad side…" Ryan said.

Natalia winced at the mention of her ex-husband.

"So Calleigh got on his bad side?" She asked.

"I don't know. It turned into a lot of yelling and Jake left slamming the door." Valera explained.

"And she knows this because…?" Ryan asked.

"Because she has a crush on Jake. Yeah, bad boys taste, don't start on me."

----

Calleigh closed her cell phone and walked back into ballistics. The files on her desk were gone and she looked around. Someone must've taken them, but she hadn't signed them yet. She sighed and decided to look for them.

She walked through the hallway and crossed DNA but then heard something that caught her attention.

"So Calleigh's up for a lot of trouble?" Natalia.

"I don't know, but from what Evelyn told me, she better stay away from him." Valera said.

"We all think it, but no one tells her that." Natalia again.

"Tell Calleigh how to live her life? Bad idea. I mean that's like going for a walk while there's a tsunami coming up."

Ryan laughed about his own joke. Valera and Natalia started throwing him looks and then suddenly went back to work like someone had blown a whistle.

"What? She will eat you alive if you…"

Valera walked towards him, placed a hand on his head and turned him so he saw Calleigh standing in the doorstep, her arms crossed.

"Oh…hey Cal." He turned a bright red.

"Ryan."

"I was just uh…getting the DNA results."

"Sure."

"Are you mad at me?"

"That depends."

Ryan looked at the floor and Valera rolled her eyes.

"Can you two take this outside this lab? We've got work to do."

Ryan shot her a look. "You started this."

"And you don't know when to finish. Now go."

A last push in his back and Ryan left the DNA lab, anxiously looking at Calleigh. She stared back at him for a while and he opened his mouth several times, but was unable to get sound to come out of it. Then Calleigh burst out in laughter.

"Ryan Wolfe, you…you are truly, the only man I know that can make me laugh even though I'm supposed to be mad at him." She said, finally uncrossing her arms.

Now he was able to smile at her and silently thanked god for Calleigh being in a good mood today.

"I guess that's only good for me then." He said.

"Yeah, that's good for you."

"Are you sure you're not mad?"

"No…I can handle a joke."

She spotted the files in his hand and took them from him. He looked at her, confused.

"I didn't sign them yet, smart ass. You took them without asking me."

"You weren't there."

"I was on the phone."

"Okay."

Ryan considered for a while if he should bring it up, then decided that he had to, for himself. He had to at least tell her.

"Some friend of Valera heard you fighting with Jake yesterday."

She took a deep breath and grabbed his arm, walking back to the ballistics lab. She closed the door.

"We had an argument. It wasn't a fight." She said.

"Are you sure Cal? You can trust me, I won't tell anyone."

"It wasn't a fight. It was a disagreement, and he took it too hard. We yelled, he left."

"Did he apologize?"

"No. But neither did I."

Calleigh took a pen and putted her signature on the files, handing them back to him. Their hands touched for a fracture of a second and she looked up at him. She'd felt that same electric shock as yesterday and was looking for a sign, anything to tell her he had too. But she didn't see anything.

"I…please forgive me Cal, but I don't think you should be with him."

"Ryan…I'll be fine. It was just a small argument."

"I mean it. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt. Everyone fights every once in a while."

"True, but he…"

"Don't. Just don't, alright? Let me deal with this myself."

She opened the door of the lab but didn't walk out. She waited for him to reply to her.

"Cal…"

"Yes?"

"Do we need to talk about yesterday?"

She cringed. That was not the reply she'd expected.

"I don't think so. We're fine, aren't we?"

"Yeah. We're fine. I just wanted to be certain."

"Now you're certain."

"Yep."

Just as she was really going to step out he called for her again.

"What is it?" She asked, not annoyed though.

"Do you want to go…drink something tonight?"

Calleigh bit her lip.

"Oh…I can't. The phone call…I'm going to eat with an old friend of mine."

"Oh. Alright, have fun then."

"Rain check?"

"You bet."

And she left the lab, leaving him with a feeling of failure. He'd wanted to stop her, to tell her he really didn't want her to be with Jake, and that he would only hurt her. He'd wanted to tell her he loved her, and that she had a choice…but he couldn't.


	4. Little lie, big lie

**Title: Home is where the heart is.**  
**Author: Nikki a.k.a Dutchie**  
**Summary: He wipes away the tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash**  
**Disclaimer: Yup they're mine. Don't believe me? Good, 'cause they're not.**  
**A/N: I forgot to mention that the song used in the last chapter was of course 'Bring me to Life' by 'Evanescence'. This one is 'Lovefool' by 'the Cardigans'.**

* * *

Lately I have desperately pondered,  
spent my nights awake and I wonder  
what I could do have done in another way  
to make you stay  
Reason will not lead to solution  
I will end up lost in confusion

* * *

**Chapter four: Little lie, big lie**

That night Ryan decided to go grab a drink anyway. If not with Calleigh, then alone. He could've asked Eric, or Valera or even Natalia to go with him, but truth to be told he didn't want their company. He wanted Calleigh's company or else he wanted to be alone. Sighing he looked at the beer in his hands. He hadn't even taken a sip.

He wondered what had gone wrong with them. With him and Calleigh. They'd been such good friends and for a moment he had been hoping the signs he saw that it could be more weren't only in his imagination. But when Jake came along, she chose for him quicker than Ryan could even say 'who is he'?

Maybe it had all been in his imagination only. Had he been stupid to think she could be interested in him? In Ryan Wolfe, the 5 years younger ex-patrol cop with OCD? Of course not. Jake was…perfect.

He looked good, he made her laugh, he had an exiting job: undercover agent. That's pretty cool, he had to admit. But there was something about him that made Ryan doubt. He didn't know what. Something about Jake just made him think he was bad news.

Bad he hadn't been able to get Calleigh to feel the same way and she went out with him, they were together. There was no way to deny it now: it had all been in Ryan's mind. She wasn't interested in him at all.

He heard someone laugh in the bar and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Great. Now he was imagining her voice in his head. Of course if he would look it would just be a random woman with dark hair and blue eyes, and not Calleigh. It couldn't be. Could it?

Looking around he saw her sitting there, but not with an old friend like she'd told him. She was sitting with Jake.

"_Damn. She didn't lie. She said an old friend…and Jake is an old friend of hers. She didn't lie but she didn't tell the truth either."_ He thought.

"Calleigh?"

She looked up at him and her eyes widened.

"Ryan, hey…what are you doing here?"

"It's a bar, what do you think?"

She hung her head but Jake apparently didn't notice the tension there.

"So you're Ryan huh? Calleigh talks about you a lot."

"_Ha, in your face mister undercover!"_

"Oh really? Well yeah, I'm Ryan Wolfe."

"I'd say my name but I'm pretty sure you've heard it already."

"Indeed. So, are you two on a nice date?"

"Yeah, we had to cancel our last date, and now we're making up."

Calleigh brought a hand to her head; her cheeks were blushed.

"That's funny because Calleigh told me she was going to have dinner with an old friend. I didn't expect it to be you."

"Well it's me."

Jake smiled and Ryan felt the need to punch him in the face. He looked at Calleigh who looked up at him in shame.

"Sit down, do you want a drink?" Jake asked.

"No thanks, I have somewhere to go." Ryan said. He looked at Calleigh one last time, but when she didn't say anything he turned and walked away.

Calleigh watched him leave and decided she couldn't do it. She told Jake to wait a second and then walked out after Ryan. He was halfway to his car and she started to run.

"Ryan, wait!"

"Go back to your date Cal."

"Please let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain, you love him."

"No, I…I mean yes, but let me explain why I lied."

He turned around abruptly making her almost bumping into him. She took a step back quickly.

"Why then? Tell me why." He said.

"Because I didn't want you to worry about me."

"That doesn't make sense, because I worry about you anyway. If you don't want to have a drink with me then tell me so."

Calleigh threw her hands up.

"But I do, just not now. Jake asked me out earlier."

"The why didn't you tell me that?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't agree."

"What does that matter? It's your life, you live it."

She fell silent and looked at him. He looked back at her and raised an eyebrow. She sighed.

"Jake…he…before we went here he asked me…"

Her hand went into her pocket and she took out a golden ring, with a small diamond on top. It looked beautiful, but in Ryan's eyes it was the most hideous thing he'd ever seen.

"He asked you to marry him." He stated simply.

"Yes." She said, merely a whisper.

"And what did you say?"

He asked it, but he was afraid of the answer. If he said yes, he'd lost her forever. But if she said no then why would she have the ring?

"I…I didn't know what to say. I didn't answer him." She said hesitantly.

"But you have the ring in your pocket."

"He told me to hold onto it until I'd made up my mind."

"Have you?"

Calleigh didn't answer, but her silence and the staring at her feet was enough answer to him. He took a step back, away from her, and found her looking up in tears.

"You're gonna accept it, aren't you?" He asked.

"I…"

"Yes or no?"

"I think so." She said, hanging her head. "I'm sorry Ryan."

"Hey, if you love him, don't be sorry. But if you don't love him, think again. I don't want you ruining your life with someone you don't even want to be with. But if you want this, then I'm happy for you."

"Thanks Ryan. It means a lot to me."

"_And you mean a lot to me Cal…you mean a lot to me."_

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And reviews mean a lot to me! So gimme them before I decide to let Calleigh actually marry Jake :p 


	5. Watching chances fade

**Title: Home is where the heart is.**  
**Author: Nikki a.k.a Dutchie**  
**Summary: He wipes away the tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash**  
**Disclaimer: Reached chapter 5 and still they're not mine. Life's not fair. **  
**A/N: The song is 'Breathe' by Michelle Branch. I love her.**

* * *

Well it's all so overrated  
In not saying how you feel  
So you end up watching chances fade  
And wondering what's real  
And I give you just a little time  
I, Wonder if you realize  
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes

* * *

**Chapter 5: Watching chances fade.**

A week later Calleigh officially announced she was going to marry Jake. They had all been standing in Horatio's office, waiting to get the information about a case, when she told them she had an announcement to make. Alexx squealed in delight and hugged Calleigh close. Natalia hugged her too, and Valera practically jumped around her neck. Eric placed a hand on her shoulder and told her he couldn't believe his ears. Bullet girl was settling down.

Ryan wanted to be happy for her, hug her, and tell her she had made the right decision, but he didn't think she had. He looked at Horatio, who had been very quiet, and saw something in his eyes. He saw the exact same thing in his eyes that he had felt from the moment Jake had walked into the lab. That look that said something wasn't right. Suddenly the room was empty, and only Calleigh was still in it, looking at him.

"Where did everyone go?" He asked.

"They went to the scene. We're the lab back-up today."

"Which means?"

"Which means that we work in the lab and make sure that pile of unfinished files gets noticeably smaller."

She smiled and Ryan felt uncomfortable. He didn't know what to say to her, or how to act. Luckily for him, she mentioned it first.

"Ryan…about the wedding…it would mean everything to me if you would be there."

"Sure, Cal, I'll be there. I'll dig up my suit from somewhere." He said, smiling.

Calleigh stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him. Surprised, he slowly placed his hands on her back, hugging her back.

"Hey…what is it?"

"I don't know…I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"You're gonna marry Jake."

"I know that. I mean…I don't know what I mean."

Ryan stepped back and lifted her chin with his thumb, making her look at him.

"Remember, I will always be here if you need to talk. Always."

"Thanks Ryan. I have to go now. Ballistics is waiting for me."

"And trace for me. Oh and uh…congratulations."

Calleigh smiled and started to walk out of the room. Ryan watched her and hoped with all his heart that she knew what she was doing. He might not agree with her, but as long as she wanted it, he wanted it.

That day he didn't see her anymore until he was ready to leave. She was in the locker room when he wanted to get his things. She had her back to him, but she wasn't alone. Jake was there, and they were laughing. He walked in just in time to see Jake leaning in and kissing her. And she gladly returned it. He bit his lip and wanted to sneak back out, but Jake looked up and saw him.

"Hey Wolfe."

"_Great, now even he started calling me Wolfe. Before I know it Calleigh will too and no one will use my first name anymore."_

"Hey Jake, Cal."

Calleigh turned around and by the look in his eyes she knew he had witnessed the kiss. She lowered her head.

"Hey. Going home?" She said.

"Yes. You too?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

Jake embraced her from behind. "Well, not yours."

He felt his heart drop and literally skip a beat. She was going home with Jake. Something told him not to be so shocked; she was marrying him for God's sake. But the thought of her at Jake's home, in Jake's bed, made him…sick.

"Oh…well, have fun." He said casually.

"Thanks…"

Horatio appeared next to Ryan. He looked from Ryan, to Jake, to Calleigh in Jake's arms. She jumped out of them like she'd been bitten.

"Horatio."

"Calleigh. A word?"

"Yeah, of course."

She followed him out of the locker room and Ryan stood there, looking at Jake, who sat down on the bench.

"She's a fine woman, but so shy." Jake commented.

"Yes. Yes she is."

"I guess it'll change when we get married."

"Yeah, I didn't congratulate you yet."

Ryan did a few steps forward and extended his hand. Jake shook it with a smile.

"Thanks Wolfe."

"Hey, if I may ask, you dated in college right?"

"Yes we did."

"Why'd you break up?"

Jake's face changed to a tough expression and he let go of Ryan's hand. Ryan observed him, tried to figure out what he was thinking but he couldn't see it.

"I made a stupid mistake. It's all forgotten." Jake said firmly.

"What kind of mistake?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter, what matters is that we're back together now."

Ryan noticed how fast Jake wanted to change the topic, which only told him it was something pretty bad he did.

"Sure." He smiled a fake smile.

"If she would mind, she wouldn't be marrying me."

"That's true. Well I have to go home; I'll see you later I guess."

"Hey Wolfe, are you involved with someone?"

In the process of walking away, Ryan froze and turned back.

"No."

"Shame. You're a nice guy."

"Uhh…thanks, I guess. I just haven't found the right woman yet."

"_Or actually I did, but you found her too."_

"You will buddy, you will."

Calleigh walked back in, and Ryan was glad she did, because he had no idea how to reply.

"What did H want?" Jake asked before Ryan could.

"Nothing. Just a little talk, it was okay." She smiled.

Ryan figured Horatio had probably just said to Calleigh what Ryan just couldn't. Except for the 'I love you with all my heart' part. Or at least he hoped so. Because Jake as competition was more than enough for him to lie awake over at night…

* * *

Hm..haven't quite made my mind up about how to continue...reviews might help my mind decide :p 


	6. Talk to your brother

**Title: Home is where the heart is.  
****Author: Nikki, a.k.a Dutchie. But Nikki will do.  
****Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
****A/N: Ok people, lesson season 5 coming up. I've been getting reviews from people asking who Jake is. Jake (Berkeley) is an undercover agent (now homicide detective) who appears in season 5 of CSI:Miami. He was Calleigh's boyfriend in college and the writers are hinting to a possible relationship between them again. Which I, being the CaRWasher that I am, don't like, so I'm writing this fic. Hope that helps.**

* * *

So I guess the fortune teller's right  
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light  
To crawl beneath my veins and now  
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much  
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn

* * *

**Chapter 6: Talk to your brother.**

With the wedding coming closer and closer, Ryan found it harder and harder to keep his mouth shut and pretend he was happy. Truth to be told, he was miserable. On his calendar at home he was counting down the days until the wedding. The days he had left to tell her how he really felt. But more and more days were counted down and he didn't tell her.

Calleigh was incredibly busy with preparing everything. She had gone shopping multiple times, was making a thousand phone calls a day, and at work they mostly found her distracted from the case, so they had to explain her three times what happened. Not that she made any errors. Calleigh Duquesne never made mistakes.

Jake came by so often Eric once joked that he might as well start working for the crime lab. Ryan's head had jerked up from the file he had been reading and Eric had looked at him. Ryan was afraid he knew, or at least suspected something. But he didn't mention anything so Ryan didn't bring it up either.

A week before the wedding Calleigh suddenly addressed him at work. He'd been looking over some photos in layout when she appeared next to him. He looked at her questioningly.

"Hey Cal, what's up?"

"Alexx and the girls invited me to a bachelor party."

"That's cool. Have fun." He smiled.

"I'm not going."

"You're not going to your own bachelor party?"

She let out a nervous laugh.

"I don't want one. I told them not to."

"Why not?"

"Too much attention, and too much half-naked male strippers.

"So why are you telling me they invited you to one?"

"Because I do want to do something else."

"And what would that be?"

"I want to take that rain check on that drink we missed."

He was surprised. She didn't want a bachelor party with her best female friends, but she did want to have a drink with him. He was surprised, ánd confused.

"You wanna go for a drink with me instead of having a bachelor party?"

"Don't look so shocked. Did you expect anything else?"

"Well actually, yes." He said, a smile forming on his lips.

"Will you come?"

"Of course I'll come. I mean, it's kinda hard to have a drink with me…without me, don't you think?"

She laughed and placed a hand on his arm. Ryan felt the heat of her touch on his arm through the thin cotton shirt he was wearing, and he can't deny he wanted to act his heart right now and just tell her. After all, he only had 6 days left. But again his mind interfered and told him no.

"You know Ryan," she said, "I think that's the most intellectual observation you've ever made."

"Yes, I think so too. I'd love to have a drink with you Cal."

"Great."

"And when would that drink be?"

"Tonight, if that's okay with you. It might be the only free night I have this week."

"Sure, fine with me. But I will have to go and change."

"Me too. You think you can pick me up at seven?"

"Yeah I think I could do that."

Ryan smiled and Calleigh returned it. Ryan's mind seemed to have split into two halves, one of them screaming at him to pour his heart out, the other one whispering in his ear to shut up.

"I'll see you tonight then; I have to finish up my case." He said.

"Yeah I heard you have a suspect in custody."

'Ready to break down any minute, so see you."

"Bye."

Ryan walked out. Honestly, Eric was busy interrogating his suspect, and he had nothing to do there. But he just needed an excuse to leave the room. One second too long and he would do things he'd regret later. Like spill everything. He knew it wasn't wise to do so, still a little piece of him wanted to so badly.

He saw Horatio coming his way and wanted to make a right turn, only to hear Horatio call his name.

"Mister Wolfe, my office please."

Ryan was afraid he had done something terribly wrong, and yet he followed Horatio. What could he have done? Did he ruin evidence in a case? Was he too rude to a suspect? Or could Horatio possibly know what he was feeling for Calleigh? Would he tell him it was wrong? That they were supposed to work together?

"Sit."

Horatio sat down himself and Ryan lowered into the chair on the opposite side of the desk.

"What's going on Horatio?"

"I want to talk to you about Calleigh."

_Shit. _He knew.

"Wh…what about her H?" Ryan stuttered.

"I believe…" Horatio started, "that she is making a mistake."

Horatio paused and Ryan wasn't sure if he was supposed to say anything, so instead he stared at Horatio.

"I also believe that I'm not the only one in this room who thinks this." Horatio then added.

"I…I do too." Ryan said.

"I suspected that. Do you want to tell me anything?"

"Uhh…no. No, she says she's happy, so it's okay. I don't really like Jake, personally, but I...well she's getting married, not me. Can I go?"

"Not just yet."

Horatio gave him an intense glare and Ryan wanted to sink through his chair and disappear.

"I want to know if you'd be willing to try and talk Calleigh out of this. I know things about Jake, from reliable sources. He can't be trusted easily. I'm afraid Calleigh's going to get hurt."

"Why should I talk to her?"

"Because you are the only person who seems to feel the same way." Horatio smiled.

"But why don't you talk to her?"

Horatio stood up and Ryan did the same, sensing this conversation would be over soon.

"Because somehow, son, I have the feeling Calleigh will listen to you sooner."

"Yeah right, like that would happen, I mean: you're Horatio, you're like her father or something, she'll neve…"

Horatio cut him off.

"Ah, but with sensitive matters like this, you don't talk to your father. You talk to your brother."

"_Talk to your brother…talk to your brother…talk to your brother…" _It echoed in Ryan's head.

"So…you think I'm like Calleigh's brother?" He asked.

"Did you think of yourself as anything else?" Horatio asked in reply.

"Yeah, her friend."

"Brother or friend, it doesn't matter. What matters right now is: will you try?"

"I guess…I could bring something up but…I don't want her hating me."

"She won't, if you bring it subtle."

"That's never been one of my strong points."

"Well, unless you want to see Calleigh get hurt, I think you should try and make it stronger."

Ryan understood the conversation was over and turned around, walking out of the office. So Horatio thought of him as Calleigh's brother. And brothers don't love sisters. They can, but not in the same way Ryan loved Calleigh. That had absolutely nothing to do with brotherly love. He loved her the way Romeo loved Juliet. He loved her to death. And seeing her with Jake just about killed him inside…

* * *

Reviews might help me get over this writer's block I'm having. Next chapter: the rain check. The song I used was Torn, by Natalie Imbruglia. 


	7. Pretend and let things be

**Title: Home is where the heart is.  
****Author: Nikki, a.k.a Dutchie. But Nikki will do.  
****Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
****A/N: Wow am I gonna get chased for the next chapters. Song is 'Happy?' by Intwine, which is a Dutch band, but that song fits my mood so well right now.**

* * *

I hope you don't feel just like me  
I hope you don't feel just like me  
I hope you don't feel just like me  
I hope you're happy

Isn't it strange, that the world seems to turn away when I try to explain?  
What's so strange, that two can be as one yet not the same?

* * *

**Chapter 7: Pretend and let things be.**

Ryan took a deep breath, a failing attempt to calm his nerves. His hand was hanging in mid-air, his finger reaching out to the doorbell. In his mind he repeated the talk he had thought of last night. Things to say, and things absolutely not to say… It was near dark already and the street was near deserted. All he heard was his own breathing and heartbeat, although it wasn't exactly quiet around him. Taking another deep breath he pushed the doorbell and waited.

"I'll be right up!"

He heard from behind the door, and after some more rumbling noises, the door opened. His mouth opened to say something, but instead it remained open as he looked her over, his eyes taking in every inch of her. And every inch looked just as beautiful. She was wearing a black pair of trousers and a red halter-top. Her hair was down instead of the usual ponytail she wore at work most of the time.

"Your mouth's open." She said, smiling.

He closed his mouth but didn't let his eyes leave her body. She looked gorgeous. In fact, he didn't think a person could look this beautiful.

"You look…absolutely stunning." Ryan complimented, finally looking into her eyes.

"Thank you. Don't look too bad yourself."

"You're just saying that." He grinned.

She grinned back and shrugged.

"Take it or leave it."

"How about I take you with me and we leave here?"

"Even better."

Calleigh offered him her arm and he hesitantly took it. Arm in arm they walked towards his car, which he had parked around the corner.

"Thanks for wanting to do this." Calleigh said.

"Thank you. I didn't think you'd have any attention for me now you're getting married."

"I'll always have attention for you Ryan. Don't think I'm not going to talk to you anymore. You can still come to me, always, with everything. No matter how unimportant it sounds to you."

"I bet Jake won't like that."

"Jake will have to learn to live with that. I'm always there for my friends."

Ryan gave her a polite smile as he opened the door to the passenger's side to let her in. The drive to the bar was silent most of the time, except when Ryan asked her where to park the car and she suggested doing it just outside the center, which he then did.

The bar they entered wasn't crowded, much to their relief, but it wasn't empty either. This was only good for them, because that meant they wouldn't be the center of interest, something they both hated to be.

"So uh…I guess you didn't just invite me to drink something." Ryan said.

"Why not?"

"I know you, and you probably want to talk."

"No. I owed you a drink, and I'm giving it to you now. Do you want to talk?"

"Actually, yes."

Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at her. Calleigh took a sip of the drink the waitress just placed on the table and looked at him with that intense staring look that he thought could pierce his mind.

"I want to talk." He confirmed.

"Okay…about what?"

"About…well…you really."

"About me? What's to say about me?" Calleigh smiled.

"Well, you're getting married. That's quite a thing to say."

Ryan managed a smile too and quickly took a sip of his drink, too quickly, causing in him bursting into a series of coughs. Calleigh started to stand up to pat his back, but he held up his hand and she stayed seated. He stopped coughing and grinned sheepishly.

"I'm okay, don't worry."

"I didn't think talking about me could make you choke." Calleigh joked.

"I wasn't…"

"Ryan…joke?"

"Oh. Sorry."

Calleigh rolled her eyes playfully and took another sip of her own drink.

"So…you want to talk about me."

"Yeah. Well, kind of. You're looking forward to the wedding?" Ryan asked, taking another sip of his drink, slower this time.

"I guess. I'm not having this feeling of 'oh my god I'm getting married' yet, but I guess it'll come later."

"_I guess. If she says I guess that means she's not sure right? I still have a chance to talk her out of this right? Right?"_

"So don't you think it's all going a bit fast? I mean it feels like you just met Jake a week ago."

"Jake and I go back long time Ryan, you know that."

"Yeah, yeah, I mean meet again. You know, in the case with the motor…"

"Ryan, where is this leading to? I get the feeling you want to make a point, but the point is not reaching me. Do you have anything to say?" Calleigh asked.

At a loss for words, Ryan now had to do some very fast thinking. He wanted to get to this subject subtly, but apparently Calleigh was more of the straight way to things. He should've known that.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is, that I think that maybe, this wedding is coming, uh…a bit too soon. If you get what I mean." He stuttered out.

She looked at him again, that same piercing look as before. Ryan swallowed. He knew he'd entered a subject she rarely if ever talked about: her personal life. Or more her love life.

"You're saying that I shouldn't get married, aren't you?" She asked, the look never leaving her eyes.

"NO! I mean…no. Just…maybe a little later. When you're sure you want to. Get married."

"Who says I'm not sure now?"

"You said 'I guess' when I asked you if you were looking forward. That tells me you might not be sure if you want to get married."

"And what gives you the right to think that?"

"Nothing, you're right, I'm sorry I dared to doubt your unconditional love for that…Never mind. I won't finish that sentence."

If possible, Ryan would've loved to just sink through the floor right now, or maybe grab a baseball bat and bring it in contact with his head, preferably multiple times. His cheeks turned red and he was fidgeting with his glass in his hands. He let go of it, because he was pretty certain that he would throw it over and onto her if he went on like this.

"Sorry. I didn't mean that." He stuttered out.

"Oh I think you did." Calleigh replied, staying remarkably calm under the circumstances.

"I just want to say…well I don't want you to get married and then regret it later."

"You think it won't work. You're already certain that Jake and I can't be happy."

"Calleigh, please, I'm not saying that. You have to believe me, I'm sure you and Jake can be very happy together. I just…"

"You're what? And I want to truth this time."

"_The truth. You want the truth. But you can't handle the truth Calleigh. And more importantly, I don't know if I can handle the truth myself. The truth is that I love you. I love you and I'm jealous of Jake. I'm jealous that I'm not the one to marry you, but him. I'm jealous that I won't get to kiss you, and I will never get my chance. I'm jealous that he took the chance and I was too afraid to get rejected. I love you and I'm jealous."_

"The truth is…The truth is that I'm…that some of us…we think Jake…maybe doesn't really love you. That he only enjoys…chasing after you. Getting you, when you seem impossible to reach."

Ryan took a deep breath.

"Calleigh, I think Jake is playing with you."

And the words were out. This was of course not the whole truth, but it was a part of it, and a part that, now it was actually off his chest, made him feel better. He closely studied the look on her face to see her reaction. Much to his surprise, she smiled weakly.

"Ryan…I never told you exactly why Jake and I broke up in college, did I?" She asked, her hands lying on top of each other on the table in front of her.

"Uh…no."

"He cheated on me."

"Oh. Well…I'm sorry."

"I didn't tell you why I got back with him either, did I?"

"No, you didn't tell me that either."

Ryan wondered where this was going. She didn't seem too upset with him, though with Calleigh, you could never be sure. She could be deeply hurt inside and just smile and move on.

"Because, as you might know, I give people second chances."

Calleigh raised her brow at him and Ryan thought about that. She knew why she'd said the 'as you might know' part. He knew that she had given him one. After the big screw-ups he'd made in his first year at CSI, she gave him a second chance and they grew closer than he ever could've dreamed to be. So close that at some point he actually thought there was a future for them, a real future, together. But his dream was splashed to bits the day Jake walked into the lab and back into her life.

"I…I don't really know what to say." He said. It was true.

"You don't have to say anything. In fact, I'd rather have you keep it quiet. I made Jake work for his second chance; I made him prove to me that he was worth it. And he proved it to me."

"But…how?"

"That's something of non-importance right now. Maybe I'll tell you later."

"Are you happy with him?"

"Yes."

"And do you honestly believe that he loves you? And that he wants to marry you?"

"We're getting married in a week, Ryan. If he wouldn't have wanted to marry me, I think he would've blown the whole thing off by now, don't you think?"

Ryan nodded. She'd made her point, and she knew it. He could tell Horatio that he tried his best, but he couldn't talk her out of it. He wasn't gonna try to continue the topic now, as he knew nothing would come out of it.

All he could do now was be there at the wedding and pretend he was truly happy for her.

All he could do now was enjoy the rest of the evening with her and accept the fact that he lost her.

All he could do now was pretend and let things be.

All he could do now was not let her know he would cry himself to sleep tonight.

* * *

TBC... runs from chasing readers 


	8. Feels like Love

**Title: Home is where the heart is.  
****Author: Nikki, a.k.a Dutchie. But Nikki will do.  
****Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
****A/N: Sorry for the delay, but here's for all of you who have been begging me...the wedding. Do me a favour and don't kill me until you've read the entire chapter. Thanks ;) Song is 'Wonderful World' by James Morisson. And it's good.**

* * *

And I know that it's a wonderful world  
But I can't feel it right now  
Well I thought that I was doing well  
But I just want to cry now  
Well I know that it's a wonderful world  
From the sky down to the sea  
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

* * *

**Chapter 8: Feels like love.**

Calleigh leaned forward and stared at her reflection in the calmly floating water of the creak. She stared at her perfectly done up hair, a few loose blond curly strains playfully dancing around her face. She stared at the engagement ring shining around her finger. And she looked at her eyes. At her watery red eyes from which tears were running down her cheeks and leaking into the river, becoming part of the stream. She was crying, on her wedding day. A worse sign didn't exist. She was sitting on her knees. Everything was ruined. Her dress certainly was, the pearly white had turned into grey with brown, and the slope was torn to shreds. A tear slid down her cheek and chin and landed on the folded piece of paper that she was clutching in her hand.

---  
"_Jake Matthew Berkely, do you take Calleigh Emily Duquesne, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"_

"_I do."  
_---

She knew it wouldn't take long before people would start calling her name, begging for her to show up. But she wasn't going to show up. She would stay hidden from people who wanted to give her so-called good advice, and tell her what to do. And if there was one thing she didn't need right now, it was people giving her so-called good advice and telling her what to do. She had heard all the so-called good advice multiple times, and though she didn't know what to do, she didn't want anyone to tell her either.

---  
"_Calleigh Emily Duquesne, do you take Jake Matthew Berkely, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"_

"_I…I…"  
_---

It had all started out great. She hadn't seen Jake for the night, because of the dress tradition; the groom couldn't see the dress until the wedding had started. So they said goodbye and see you tomorrow, Jake got into his car and on to his bachelor party, to spend the night with his best man and friend. Calleigh stayed home and mentally prepared for the next day, when she was going to get married. Making sure all things were arranged, she went to bed with a good feeling that evening. And when she woke up the next morning, the feeling was still there. And when she was standing in front of the mirror in the dressing room, the feeling was still there.

---  
"_Miss Duquesne, what is your answer to this?"  
_"_I…I can't do it."  
_"_What? Calleigh…"  
_"_I can't. I'm sorry Jake, I can't. You'll find someone else. Just not me."  
_"_Calleigh, where are you going? Calleigh?"  
_---

And then she'd run out of the big doors of the church, voices of people inside echoing in her head. Questions like: 'Where is she going?' 'Does she know what she's doing?' and comments like: 'She's out of her mind.' 'She's walking out on the man that loves her.' were a blur in her head, repeating over and over. But one comment was loud and clear, even though it had been not louder than a whisper she heard as she was running past the benches: 'You go Cal.'

She knew who'd said it, she could recognize the voice anywhere, and she knew that he'd been right. He'd been right all along, but she, blinded by her trust and acted happiness, had kept herself from believing him. This day could have been prevented, and all she had to do in order to reach that, was listen to the only person who had never lied to her. The only person who had never let her down.

It didn't take long before she heard footsteps behind her, and she managed a weak smile. She knew exactly who it was – speaking of the devil – but still she was a bit surprised when she saw his face appear in the water, or better: the reflection of his face. She was surprised, because she didn't count on anyone finding her, quite far away from the church.

She looked up and he looked down on her. Then he sat down on a rock next to her. His mild case of OCD probably wouldn't allow him to sit directly next to her, on the muddy ground. Especially not in his fancy suit. For a long time, he just sat there and looked at her, at the tears that leaked down her cheeks until she thought she had been dehydrated by crying for so long. She looked back at him.

There were lots of things she could say, she could ask, and the same went for him, but neither of them did. They just sat there, she on the ground, he on the rock, and they looked at each other for a long, long time. Neither of them wanted to break the silence, but they know one of them had to eventually. The longer they were staring at each other the more they realized that the answers to their questions were hidden in the other's eyes. There was one question though, that couldn't be answered by her eyes, and that is the reason Ryan broke the silence.

"Why?" He asked softly.

There was no pressure of what so ever in his voice, just pure curiosity and need-to-know. She looked at him and her shimmering eyes showed what looked like a spark of what they used to contain, the caring and cheerful glimmer in her deep green eyes. He noticed she was playing with a folded piece of paper and he looked at it. She followed his gaze and shook her head.

"Because he failed the test." She answered him.

"But I thought you said he passed."

"I did."

"You lied?"

"I judged to early."

She sighed and unfolded the paper. Through it, Ryan could see some handwriting with a black pen. Unmistakable female; because of the loops on the letters. He couldn't read exactly what was on it though, and he didn't want to, unless she let him read it. Her eyes scanned over the paper and her eyes filled with fresh tears. It broke his heart seeing her like this, and he thought that his heart already had broken. Now he knew he was wrong. His heart had been wounded, but not broken. Breaking was what it was doing right now, watching Calleigh sitting there, on what was supposed to be the best day of her life, dirty, crying, and still so beautiful.

"Did he write that?" He asked.

She shook her head and sniffed lightly. Suddenly she stood up, facing him. He attempted to stand up from the rock but the look on her face made it clear to him that she wanted him to stay where he was, and so he did. She held out the hand with the letter to him, and after a questioning look he took it from her. His eyes never left hers.

"You may read it," she said, "but only if you promise me to throw it in the creak when you're done, and never tell anyone about it."

He hesitated, then nodded slowly. She glanced at him and then turned around, starting to walk away. He didn't let her. He grabbed her wrist, without force, and held her in place. He knew she wanted to break free and walk away, but he also knew that right now she didn't have the strength to. She stood there, facing away from him, as he held her wrist with one hand, and the letter with his other. He started reading the letter.

_Jake,_

_I'm not going to tell you how I feel, you know how I feel. You've known all along. What I am going to tell you, is that because of what I feel, I also feel the need to have you make this decision. I'm giving you the chance now. You can get married to her and live with the knowledge it's all fake anyway, or you can stop this now and be with us. With me and your daughter. Do you really want your daughter to grow up without her own father? She has lived without you for 4 years now, don't you think it's time for her to know who this 'daddy' is his mother is always talking about? Don't tell her, she probably won't understand but please make the right decision. Is she worth leaving me and your daughter for? I don't think so and if you would ask Brenda, I think she would agree. I know you can't blow off the wedding anymore, not in a day's notice, but you can get a divorce in such short time after you get married. If you play it right you may actually get some money from her out of it. Let me know what you decide, Jake. You've been and you're still in my heart. I love you._

_Eve. _

Ryan swallowed a lump in his throat. In the right lower corner of the paper were some more words scribbled down quickly. The handwriting was different.

_Choose you, won't tell Cal.  
__Love you too.  
__I'll tell her I have to work.  
__Be home tonight.  
__Jake._

Ryan was speechless. All this time, his gut feeling had been right. Jake didn't care for Calleigh at all. He had someone else, and he had a daughter. He looked at Calleigh, his look full of compassion and sorrow.

"Where'd you find this?" He asked.

"In Jake's coat pocket. I was searching for his cell phone."

"I'm so sorry Cal."

She smiled weakly, and looked at his hand on her wrist. He let it slid off until he could take her hand in his.

"You shouldn't be sorry Ryan. You should be happy. You were right."

"In this case, I would've preferred not to be right. Do you know who Eve is?"

"It's short for Evelyn. She lives next door to me."

"Valera's friend Evelyn?"

Surprised, Ryan thought back of the conversation he had had with Valera and Natalia about Evelyn and Jake.

"That's the one. I knew it was her, although she dyed her hair black and cut it short, and I think she wears contacts now."

"How do you mean you knew it was her?"

"She's the girl with whom Jake cheated on me when we were dating in college. Apparently, he has a daughter with her. Brenda…he always told me that was how he wanted to name our daughter."

She let out an amused yet angry laugh. "The liar."

"I don't really know what to say Calleigh. I'm really sorry. I really wanted you to be happy with him."

"For a moment, I truly believed that we could. I trusted him. And he let me down again."

"You're too good of a person. You trust people because you want to believe they're worth it."

"You'd think I learned my lesson by now." She sighed.

She pulled her hand out of his slowly, and brushed a curl behind her ear.

"You wanted me to throw it in the creak?" Ryan asked.

"I'll be glad if I never have to see that thing again. Please do if you feel like it."

"Right now I'm so mad I think it would feel good. But…"

Ryan jumbled the letter into a ball and placed it in her hand. He squeezed her hand shut and looked into her eyes.

"I think you have to throw it."

She looked at her hand. "You know Ryan…I should start listening to you."

"This would be the perfect moment to start with that." He smiled.

"I didn't even love Jake. I was desperate. I didn't want to see him slip through my fingers again…though actually I was never really holding him."

"Throw it away Cal. Don't think about it. He's not worth it."

With a last squeeze of her fingers, Calleigh threw the letter into the creak and watched as it sank to the bottom.

"Right where it belongs." Ryan whispered.

"You do know how much I appreciate this, don't you?"

"What?"

"You being here. You even taking the effort of searching for me."

Ryan smiled and tucked his hands into his pockets.

"I didn't search for you. I knew exactly where you were."

"But…how?"

"Calleigh…I know you inside out, upside down, front to back. I know YOU. And I knew that you would go here." Ryan stated.

"How do you know me so well?"

"I watch you, Cal. When you laugh, when you yell in frustration, as you try to not show anyone your true feelings…I watch you all the time. It's remarkable how much you can learn from just observing a person."

"If it wasn't you…this would feel like stalking." Calleigh said with a small smile.

"What does it feel like, now it is me?"

"It feels like…it feels like…I don't know."

But he knew. It felt like love.

* * *

Pfew. Long chapter. Hopefully worth it. No need to tell me Jake's an ass, I know that. But reviews are always welcome. Cause I have no clew where I want to go after this chapter yet. We'll see... 


	9. I'll be there

**Title: Home is where the heart is.****  
Author: Nikki, a.k.a Dutchie. But Nikki will do.  
Disclaimer: Ah no, still not mine. They're each other's though :-)  
Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
A/N: Wow. Long time no update. I apologize, it's just that my story was all focused on the wedding, and when I wrote that...I just didn't know where to go next. That's also the reason this chapter is somewhat short, but I'm trying to get over my writer's block so I hope you like it anyway. The song I used in this chapter is 'Look through my eyes' from Phil Collins. It's in the movie 'Brother Bear', yes. But it fits this chapter too.**

* * *

There are things in life you're learning  
Only in time you'll see  
It's out there somewhere, it's all waiting  
If you keep believing

So don't run, don't hide  
It will be all right, you'll see  
Trust me, I'll be there  
Watching over you

**

* * *

**

Chapter nine: I'll be there.

The evening after the wedding fiasco, Ryan couldn't sleep. It was early, granted, almost too early to be going to bed, but nevertheless he couldn't sleep. He was worried about Calleigh, and how she was going to deal with what happened to her. Convinced she wouldn't be asleep yet he grabbed his phone and dialed her number. After a few rings she picked up, and he heard her sobbing softly before her sweet southern voice answered him.

He knew she never showed her emotion when someone was around, which was why he had been so surprised when he'd found her crying by the creak earlier today. But it didn't surprise him that she was crying now as she was home alone.

"Hey Cal, how are you holding up?" He asked.

"Not really."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's not that I am sad that I'm not married. I'm not. But…they're right next door and it seems like they're intentionally speaking louder. I can hear them. I can hear Brenda squealing, I can hear them playing with her…"

Her voice cracked and Ryan changed ears on the phone. He lay down on his couch, head on the arm rest and took a deep breath.

"I bet they're doing it on purpose. Try and go to sleep, you won't hear them then."

"I've tried, but I can't." Calleigh sighed.

"Sounds familiar. You know what, just come over."

"Wh…what?"

"Come over to my place, we can get some coffee and talk some…well at least there's no Jake and Evelyn next door to me."

"Good point. But I'll only disturb you."

"Calleigh, Calleigh, Calleigh. After all those years you still haven't learned you never disturb me?" He smiled.

He heard her chuckle through the telephone, a sound that made his heart rise in his chest.

"I guess I haven't. Are you sure you're okay with me coming?"

"Yes. In fact, I wouldn't be okay with you staying there."

"Thanks Ryan. You're a great friend."

"I try my best. I'll see you soon, then?"

"You will. Bye Ryan."

"Bye Cal."

He hung up and glanced around his house. Convinced that he had to make a good impression on her, he got up from the couch and started to clean up. Not that there was any mess in his house, but for him it was never clean enough. Although his case of OCD was a mild one, whenever he was nervous or upset, he cleaned. Right now he was nervous, so he cleaned.

When about twenty minutes later the doorbell rang, he threw the last magazine back on the table, went for the door, walked back to arrange them neatly, and then walked over to open the door. Calleigh was wearing a pair of black pants and a blue long sleeved shirt, and she smiled at him, though he could still see the pain in her eyes.

"Little more comfortable than a wedding dress, I guess? Come in." He said.

She stepped in and shyly looked around.

"Yeah, it feels much better to be able to wear what I always wear."

"What did you do with the dress?"

"Threw it away. It was ruined, and he paid for it anyway. My father wanted me to wear the dress in which my mom got married to him, it was supposed to bring me luck, but Jake insisted on buying me a new dress. The luck obviously didn't agree with that."

He placed a hand on the small of her back and led her to his cough, where they sat down. Calleigh leaned with her chin on her hands, her elbows on her knees. Ryan sat back and observed her.

"I don't think you were meant to be anyway, Cal."

"And you made that pretty clear, too." She looked up at him.

"Yeah, I uh…I feel like I have to apologize for that."

"Don't bother. You were right, again. When it comes to my love life, everyone thinks they know better, but they all DO know better for real. I just never want to believe them. When I was with John, Alexx told me he was no man for me, and when I was kind of interested in Peter, Maxine swore to me he was only trying to hurt me. I didn't listen, and look what happened."

"You just want to figure things out yourself, and not take over other people's opinions like that. There's nothing wrong with that attitude."

"But it has never brought me anywhere but here on your couch."

"Well at least something good came from it."

Ryan grinned to hide his shock from himself actually daring to say that, and from insecurity about what she was going to say in reply. Not as he expected, she started to laugh, softly but sure.

"Thank you Ryan, you do cheer me up." She sat back and smiled at him.

"I wish I could do more than that."

"I'm thankful enough for this, don't worry."

"Is there anything you want to do?" He asked, shifting his position to face her.

"Not particularly. Just…stop thinking about it."

"I wouldn't know how to do that."

"You could talk but something else."

"Like what?"

"Anything. Tell me about yourself. Your youth, Boston, anything."

And so he did. He talked to her; told her all kinds of things about his youth and Boston, told her things he'd never thought he'd tell anyone. But he told her. She listened and asked him questions, which he all answered. And then he asked her to tell about herself, and she did.

The next morning, Ryan woke up on his couch, feeling a weight on his chest that he could not quite place. When he opened his eyes he saw that it was Calleigh lying half next and half on top of him on the couch. He realized that they must have fallen asleep last night, without noticing.

He brushed a strain of hair out off her forehead, behind her ears, and she stirred.

"Please, 5 more minutes." She mumbled softly.

He smiled. She could stay there for five more minutes. In fact, she could stay there as long as she wanted. Because even though every man in her life seemed to leave her one way or another…he wasn't planning on going anywhere.

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_Aww? Well if you think so then please leave me a review. I need to get back into this story, and reviews might help me._


	10. No Worries

**Disclaimer: I dream of owning them. Does that count too?  
Title: Home is where the Heart is.  
Author: Dutchie, or Nikki as you wish.  
Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
A/N: WOW I can't believe how much I'm writing. Go me! Oh and I was this close to calling this chapter 'Hakuna Matata'...which just made me ROTFLMAO. Song is Westlife's 'unbreakable'. **

Hey ObsessedTWfan, do you still have all the songs I use?

* * *

This love is unbreakable  
It's unmistakable  
And each time I look in your eyes  
I know why  
This love is untouchable  
I feel that my heart just can't deny  
Each time I look in your eyes  
Oh baby, I know why  
This love is unbreakable

* * *

**Chapter ten: No worries.**

Although he would never say it out loud, for fear of having his eyes scratched out, when he looked at Calleigh he saw the fragile and fearful person she was behind those brick walls she had build up during her life. The walls he'd been trying to carefully break down, one brick at a time. But now the wall had collapsed, like someone had just pushed it over, and he could see the real her.

Her hair still a mess, instead of the neat ponytail she usually wore. Her eyes still full of sleep, instead of the living sparkle they usually contained. Her elbow leaning on the table, so that her head could lean on her hand. Her fingers wrapped around the coffee mug as if the world would stop turning if she let go.

This was definitely a state in which he'd never seen Calleigh before.

"Goodmorning."

She looked up at him and smiled weakly.

"Hey, morning. I took some coffee, I hope you don't mind."

"I don't. Take all you want."

"Good, because I might need another cup if I ever want to wake up today."

Ryan chuckled and took a cup of his own, sitting down opposite of her.

"Maybe you shouldn't wake up." He commented.

"I have to get to work, silly." She replied, making a face.

"I know that, I just meant…well…you looked so sweet sleeping, before." Ryan blushed.

Calleigh smiled and took a sip of her coffee, her head still leaning on her hand. Ryan followed her example and took a sip as well, the warm liquid waking him up slightly.

"If you hop into the shower now, we can both still take one before we go to work." He broke the silence.

She looked up in surprise.

"Oh…well, alright."

She stood up and placed her cup in the dishwasher. It was only then he realized that she had made coffee herself, so she must've found where he kept all his stuff, neatly arranged. It made him nervous to wonder what she might think of it.

"I uh…I take it that you could find my stuff." He carefully asked.

"Yeah. Very functional order. You should come do my cabinets once; I can't find a thing in there." She winked.

Ryan let out a sigh of relief as Calleigh left the room to go take a shower. When she was out, he went in, and as soon as they were both done and dressed, they got ready to go to work. Calleigh was sitting on his couch, putting on her black heels, and Ryan collected his badge, keys and wallet.

"Ready to go?" Calleigh asked, suddenly standing next to him.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah let's go."

They stepped out and Ryan closed the door after she'd stepped out.

"Are you going to take your own car? I could drive you to work and back here so you can take your car home, too." He asked.

She thought about that for a moment.

"Drive me. What's the use in taking separate cars if we're going the same way anyway?"

"Good question. Okay Miss Duquesne, get in then." He said.

The drive to the lab was relatively silent, except for some talk when they stood waiting for a traffic light. But when Ryan turned the car onto the lab's parking lot, they could both clearly see Jake standing in front of the exit.

"He's waiting for me." Calleigh said.

"Wait up now. He could be assigned to a case with one of us."

"No. That's not his working look. That's his begging look. And that usually doesn't mean anything good."

"Maybe you can sneak through the back door."

Calleigh gave him a glare.

"You really think I'm going to be able to avoid Jake, if I'm the one he wants to see? I don't think so."

"It was just a suggestion."

"Thanks, but it's not gonna work. I'm going to have to hear what he has to say, as always."

"You could always try to ignore him and walk past him…never mind."

"I appreciate the attempt, Ryan, but it's not going to work."

They got out of the car and as Calleigh said, Jake waited for her to walk up the stairs and then grabbed her arm.

"Let go of me." Calleigh hissed.

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. Now let go of my arm or I'll have you charged."

"Not before you listen to me."

"It's too late Jake. You betrayed me. Now get out of my way."

"I don't think so. Did you sleep with him?" Jake asked.

"That's none of your business."

"So that means yes."

"No, that means it's none of your business. Now let go of me."

Calleigh tried to pull her arm free but Jake's grip was too firm.

"Get the hell away from me!" Calleigh cried.

"Jake! Let go of her arm. NOW!" Ryan yelled. He'd just got up the stairs.

Jake slowly pulled his hand back.

"Now step back, and don't let me see you anywhere near her again, or I will file a complaint against you for sexual harassment of an officer."

Jake shook his head.

"Calleigh, Calleigh, Calleigh. You've always been stronger than that. Now do you suddenly need a man in your life to protect you?"

Before Calleigh could answer, Ryan already replied.

"Oh trust me, she doesn't need me. In fact, I'm doing you a favor. I don't want to know what would be left of you if I didn't hold her back. Get out of here."

Slowly but surely, Jake started to walk away, and Ryan turned to Calleigh. She looked at him, and he knew that he had undermined her. He made it seem like she couldn't handle it herself. He was in big trouble.

"Listen, uh…I'm sorry. I shouldn't…I mean I didn't…I'm sorry Cal. I know you could've handled it but I just couldn't stand there watching him hurt you. I've been doing that for too long already."

"Ryan. It's okay."

"Really? It is?"

"Yes. I haven't even thanked you for letting me stay at your place last night, and now I already have to thank you for saving me from that…piece of good for nothing…Jake."

Ryan smiled and nodded.

"You don't have to thank me."

"I know. But I'm doing it anyway. Thanks Ryan."

"No worries."

She smiled. She knew that was gonna be his answer. Because he was always there to help her, no matter if she asked or not. He was just there. She knew that. She just hadn't noticed that there was a double reason for that, just yet. But she would. In time, she definitely would.

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_But we have to keep it a little realistic here. Review and I might think of a way to make her realize ;)_


	11. Something beautiful

**Disclaimer: Don't own them, I just kidnapped them for a little while. They'll be returned before CBS realizes they were even missing.  
Title: Home is where the Heart is.  
Author: Dutchie, or Nikki as you wish.  
Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
A/N: Well finally, a new chapter. I had to rewrite this because I moved to fast for my taste, so I re-did the entire chap. But I like the outcome. Song is from Racoon: 'Close your Eyes'. It's a Dutch band but it's in English (no duh) and if you have a chance to buy it off I-Tunes or whatever I strongly recommend it. It's beautiful.**

* * *

And if there is no way then find a way  
But don't go down that easy way  
And don't let any of them bastards hold you down

Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful  
Cause it's not all pitch black in the back your mind  
So close your eyes, you might see something prettier  
So pick a dream right out of the night

* * *

**Chapter eleven: ****Something beautiful.**

Calleigh was late. Very late. Ryan had been waiting on the stairs outside the lab for over an hour, and she still wasn't there. Shift had ended an hour ago, too, so he couldn't figure out why she wasn't out here with him yet. She couldn't have gone home, could she? No, no, she didn't have a car and no one else had driven her. Just when he wanted to get up and check if she was actually still in the lab, the doors opened and she walked out. Her eyes became big when she saw him sitting there looking at her, and she looked slightly taken back.

"You…you're still here?" She asked.

"Yes. I promised to drive you home remember, so I'm waiting for you. I have been for the past hour. Where were you?"

"I'm sorry. You should've gone home."

"It's okay, I didn't. So where were you?"

"You can go home; I'm not quite finished yet."

Ryan realized she was ignoring his question, but this time, he wasn't just going to let it slip like that. He had been waiting for her for over an hour, he thought he at least had the right to know why he had been waiting.

"You're not answering my question. Not finished with what? Come on Calleigh, it's me."

"I know it's you."

"Then why won't you tell me where you were?"

"I've been here, that's all."

"Shift ended an hour ago. No, an hour and 10 minutes."

Ryan stood up and grabbed Calleigh's hands before she could do anything. He looked her deep in the eyes and made her stare back at him.

"Why are you still here? And don't tell me you've been finishing up a case because I know you weren't." He said, sounding certain but concerned.

"I…I've been doing nothing." Calleigh lowered her head. "I've just been sitting inside, hoping you were going home."

"What? But why? Did I do anything wrong?"

"No."

"Then why?"

Calleigh pulled her hands out of his and wrapped them around herself as to hold herself together while she was falling apart.

"I…It's just that you'd drive me home."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I don't wanna go home…" She said softly.

Ryan smiled and let out a sigh of relief.

"I thought it was me."

"It's not. You've done nothing wrong. I just don't want to go home, you know. Just don't want to…"

"Be so close to Jake."

"Yeah…I'm pathetic, ain't I?"

"No you're not. If he hasn't left Evelyn by now to do something 'undercover', then he is most likely searching for a way to break you down. I understand."

Calleigh gave a little nod and sighed.

"So…I guess I'll just stay at the lab some more."

"You don't really think that, do you?" Ryan asked. "The breakroom couch can hardly be called bearable, let alone comfortable."

"It'll do."

"Not for me."

Calleigh did a step back and shrugged.

"Then I guess you're lucky it's not you who's gonna spend the night here."

"You're not either. Calleigh, you don't have to."

"I don't want to bothe…oh, right. I never bother you, isn't that so?"

"I was afraid I'd have to hit you to get you to understand that." He smiled.

"But I don't…I don't want to depend on you."

"You and I both know you definitely don't. You just need some time to heal. And I want to give you all that time you need. You're welcome to stay at my place again tonight."

"Thank you so much Ryan. I still don't know how I'm ever going to make this up to you."

Ryan wrapped his arm around Calleigh's shoulders and led her to his car. He opened the door for her like a real gentleman, and she sat down. He walked around back and sat down behind the wheel.

"When you'll know, Calleigh, I'm sure that you will tell me." He replied.

The rest of the ride home was silent again. He didn't know why things were so awkward. Probably because she just wanted to keep things to herself, and he wanted to know but wouldn't ask. All he knew was that when they arrived at his place, they entered it without a word.

"What's the matter Cal?" Ryan asked when they were inside. "You're so quiet."

"I'm…just thinking how my life is miserable."

"Your life isn't miserable."

"Are you living my life?"

"Uh…no."

"Then you can't know if my life is miserable. And trust me: it is."

Ryan walked over to her and took her arm.

"Come here, sit down."

He pulled her down onto the couch where he sat down next to her. She looked at him and bit her lip.

"Now, what's wrong with your life?"

"Ryan, if I'd have to tell you that we'd still be sitting here two days from now. Everything in my life just…sucks."

"Do I suck?"

"What? No, I don't mean that. Of course you don't."

"Well then, not everything in your life sucks."

Calleigh shook her head managing a weak smile. Ryan looked at her smiling and she took his hand in hers. He gave it a squeeze.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

"Maybe a little."

"How can I make it a little more?"

"I think you've done enough about that. I think it's my turn to make myself feel a little better."

"I think that's an excellent idea. How about we feed you first to help with that?" Ryan said teasingly.

"You cook?"

"You almost sounded surprised there Miss Duquesne." Ryan grinned.

"Pleasantly amazed I'd say."

Ryan stood up and extended his hands to her.

"Come on. You'll have to help me."

"Ah, so you can't cook."

"Oh, I can. But you're staying in this house, so you'll have to work for it." Ryan winked.

Calleigh took his hands and he pulled her onto her feet. Together, they walked to the kitchen and started on dinner.

"You know," Ryan said, "your life isn't any more miserable than mine."

"Well then, at least we can be miserable and pathetic together." Calleigh smiled.

Ryan's heart jumped in his chest. If only she knew that was the only thing he really wanted. Well, minus the miserable and pathetic part. Because if they would be together, miserable and pathetic would definitely not be the words he'd use to describe them.

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_A/N: And I wouldn't even DARE using those words. Click the nice little button below and let me know what you think._


	12. Be With You

**Disclaimer: Only thing I own here is the wicked mind. Not them.  
Title: Home is where the Heart is.  
Author: Dutchie, or Nikki as you wish.  
Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
A/N: YAY new chapter. This song is 'Never had a dream come true' from S Club 7 and I have to thank Reine (CalleighWolfe) for sending it to me a long long while ago. I thought it fitted ;) Enjoy and thanks for reviewing. All the others thanks for reviewing too. I don't really reply to reviews but I do appreciate them, all of them.**

* * *

I never had a dream come true  
Till the day that I found you  
Even though I pretend that I've moved on  
You'll always be my baby  
I never found the words to say  
You're the one I think about each day  
And I know no matter where love takes me to  
A part of me will always be with you

* * *

**Chapter twelve: Be with you.**

Two weeks had passed and Calleigh still hadn't returned to her own place. She kept telling Ryan that she'd go home if he wanted her to, and he kept telling her that if she didn't want to, then he didn't want her to either. So she had been keeping his spare room occupied for the last 16 days. Today, Ryan had been told to stay a little past his shift, to search out one last lead he had on his case, which he shared with Horatio and Eric. So he'd given Calleigh the key to his house and told her to go ahead and go there already.

Calleigh lifted her head and felt the hot streams of shower water rinse over her face and shoulders, then over her arms, torso and legs, to find a last ending down the shower drain. She squeezed her eyes shut and ran her hands through her hair. She turned the shower off and grabbed a white towel from the rack. She wrapped it around her body and walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, to go upstairs and get a change of clothes.

When she set foot into the living room, she heard the door shut and looked straight into Ryan's eyes. His eyes were looked pretty much everywhere but into her eyes though. Her lips curled into an amused smirk as he slowly let his eyes wander over her dressed-in-nothing-but-a-towel body. When he finally looked her in the eye and saw her smirk, he grinned.

"I'm home." He said.

"Didn't notice yet." Calleigh smiled. "I better go and get some clothes."

"Uh…yeah, that would probably be a good idea. I got some take-out on the way here."

"Great, I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen minutes?"

"Hey, how long do you think it takes to get this hair to stop dripping?" Calleigh raised a brow.

"Point taken, go."

Calleigh walked into the spare bedroom and not much later he heard a blow dryer go on. He felt his pulse, it must've rose to about as high as that day they'd almost kissed. The day with the water fight. The only reason she'd pulled back had been Jake, right? So if he were to try again today, would she give in? Was it too soon? Was it a temporary moment of weakness, and was the potential they had all in his mind?

When Calleigh came back into the living room with normal clothes on, - a black pair of trousers with a sand-color top -, Ryan was still standing in exactly the same spot, pondering that day, that day he received a call from Horatio with the request to go and help Calleigh.

"Hey, Ryan? You look like you're in trance or something."

Calleigh snapped her fingers and smiled. He shook his head and did a few steps forward, placing the bag with take-out on the table.

"It's Italian. Could you grab two plates for me please?" He said.

She nodded and turned around to get two plates out of his cabinets. She set them on the kitchen table, opposite of each other. Then she started to unwrap the Italian food and put it on the plates. Ryan walked into his kitchen and grabbed two glasses.

"Do you want some wine?" He asked, insecure.

"Want to get me drunk, Wolfe?" She teased. "But sure. Didn't know you had it."

"Some. For special occasions, but I guess we could use it now."

"I'd like that, thank you."

They sat down and started to eat, in silence first. After a few bites Calleigh swallowed and asked:

"What were you thinking about, before? You looked completely off of this world."

Ryan took another bite and chewed slowly so he didn't have to reply yet. But Calleigh noticed.

"Hey you don't have to tell me. It was just a question."

"No, it's okay, I'm just hungry." Ryan said after he'd swallowed. "I was uh…thinking about…well really I was being nostalgic. Thinking about things that happened."

"Things involving me?"

"You know, do you remember that day when you had that case, in the burning sun?"

"The one where you came and took over? Yes, of course I remember."

Ryan opened his mouth but didn't say anything. Instead he closed it again and smiled.

"Well, I was thinking about that."

Calleigh smiled back at him.

"I see."

"And, really, just what happened the last few weeks."

"Yeah, I kind of turned your life upside down, didn't I?"

"_Actually, Cal, you did that the minute you walked into it. Or, actually, the minute __**I**__ walked into it. Into your evaluating evidence class."_

"Don't worry about it. Really, don't, not for a minute."

"What's wrong with me Ryan?"

"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong with you."

"Then why can't I be happy?"

"You can. You've been happy."

"For maybe a month or so. Ryan I want to be REALLY happy. Happily ever after, you know?"

"I know. You'll be happy some day Calleigh, I know it."

Calleigh stood up from the table and walked towards the door.

"I think I'm going for a walk for a moment."

Ryan looked at her plate and then back at her.

"You've hardly eaten anything Cal."

"I know. I'm not hungry right now."

She reached out to the doorknob but he jumped out of his seat and held her arms, stopping her.

"Calleigh, please, don't go put yourself down. There is nothing wrong with you, do you hear me? Nothing, except maybe the fact that you can't see what right in front of you."

"How would that help me?"

"You'd see who really cares about you, and doesn't pretend, like Jake did."

"I just can't…I can't…stay at your place for the rest of my life. I am just…I'm so afraid of him. I'm afraid of being hurt."

"Oh, Cal, listen, I know it hurts. I do. But I'll never let you get hurt again, I promise. I promise you, right here and right now, I'll never let anyone hurt you again."

Calleigh turned around and looked at him with tear filled eyes. She looked him in the eye, trying to catch him in a lie, but she found nothing. Because he wasn't lying.

"I'm not gonna let you down Cal. I care for you too much for that."

Ryan rubbed her back gently and Calleigh let herself fall against him, her arms wrapping around his neck. His one hand kept stroking her back while the other wrapped firmly around her.

"It's alright Calleigh. It's alright."

"No it's not alright Ryan."

"Well then I'll make it alright."

Calleigh let out a laugh and pressed her cheek against his.

"I bet you will."

"I just want you to know, in case you hadn't noticed, that you can always count on me. I'll be here for you."

"I've noticed."

"Oh."

Calleigh laughed again and placed her hand on his face, then turned her head to kiss him lightly on his cheek.

"Remember you once told me I was fantastic, Ryan?"

"Uh…uh, yeah, uh sure."

"I'm gonna repay the favor."

Ryan smiled as he realized she meant he was fantastic. He slowly backed off of her, not far enough to be pulling away, but not close enough to be holding on.

"Thanks." He said.

"You deserve it. Look at all you've done for me in such short time. You took me in house with you, I bet with your OCD that isn't even the most pleasant thing to do."

"It's not that bad. You're not really messy and besides, even if you were, I could live with that. Because right now I see you smiling and that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life."

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_A/N: I was kinda stuck after this so I decided it would be a good ending._


	13. The Rest is still Unwritten

**Disclaimer: ****Guilty as charged, I don't owe them. I'm just the girl with the keyboard.  
Title: Home is where the Heart is.  
Author: Dutchie, Nikki if you prefer.  
Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash  
A/N: Well, I get reviews all the time from people saying Jake has to pay…what could I do other than obey? Song is 'Unwritten' by Natasha Bedingfield. Props for the 'great friend' comment goes to one of my bread colleagues who had it in her sig on msn (in Dutch though). I have no idea where it came from but I liked it.**

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No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips  
Drench yourself in words unspoken  
Live your life with arms wide open  
Today is where your book begins  
The rest is still unwritten

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**Chapter thirteen: The rest is still unwritten.**

She was home, but it didn't feel like home. Not at all. It felt like an empty shell, and she couldn't imagine ever feeling welcome and safe here. She placed her bag on the floor and looked around. This wasn't it. This wasn't where she was supposed to be, it didn't feel like it, at all. In fact, standing in the middle of this room made her feel like grabbing her bag and running out.

"It looks a lot less inviting when it's covered in dust."

Calleigh turned around to look into the face of Jake. Not only Jake, but Jake, Evelyn, and Brenda, too.

"What are you doing here? I don't recall inviting you."

"Probably because you didn't. Listen, Cal, you can act like a child and send us out or you could hear what we have to say."

"The only one I remember acting like a child is you, Jake. And whatever you have to say, I'm sure I've heard it already."

Crossing her arms she leaned against the table.

"Your hair looks like silk." A little girl's voice suddenly said.

Calleigh looked down to see Brenda looking up at her.

"Do you think my hair looks like silk?" She asked with big eyes.

"Uh…sure. I think your hair looks very pretty."

"Thanks."

She looked at Jake and shook her head.

"I hope you didn't come here to leave your child with me."

Jake laughed. "I wouldn't give her away for the world."

"Well good. At least that shows you care for someone in your life."

"Come on Cal, don't give me this. You know I care for you."

"Oh yeah, you've made that very clear too. It was very obvious that you cared for me when you went and dumped me without telling me, hiding your daughter from me, and planned to marry me only to get some money from the divorce."

Jake opened his mouth, looked at the floor, then at Evelyn and then back at Calleigh.

"Fine, listen, I've made some mistakes, but this wasn't one of them. I love Evelyn and we have a beautiful girl." He said.

"So what are you doing here? Asking my blessing? Do you want me to be maid of honor at your wedding? Watch Brenda tonight while you're going to have an expensive dinner?"

"None of the above. I came to apologize, but if you don't want it, I'll just go back home."

Nodding his head, Jake picked up Brenda and then turned around to follow Evelyn, who was walking towards the door, to go back outside. He stopped dead in his tracks when Calleigh started speaking again.

"In fact you're right. I don't want or need your apology. Thanks for the trouble."

Jake turned back around and passed Brenda over to Evelyn, who held her close.

"Alright Cal, you win. I was a jerk, okay? I was a jerk and I treated you like dirt. I had no reason and I shouldn't have. But don't you go and act like you're not upset about it."

"I never said I wasn't upset about it, Jake. I am upset. I haven't slept in my own bed for over 2 weeks, just because I can't sleep knowing you're next door to me. I'm upset. And that's why I'm erasing you out of my life. I've asked MDPD to transfer you."

"What?"

Calleigh couldn't help but smile at his widening eyes.

"I don't want to work with you anymore. In fact, I couldn't even if they asked me to. So I've asked them to transfer you."

"Transfer me? To where?"

"That's up to them. I heard something about Mexico, but honestly I couldn't tell you."

Evelyn turned to Jake who was staring at Calleigh with his mouth wide-open.

"This is pure payback. You're taking revenge on me." Jake said.

"I might. But, if you're honest, don't you think I have the right to?"

"Oh come on Cal, this has never been you."

"I'm not sure if you're in the position to say that, Jake. Because after all, can you look me in the eye and say you really know me?"

"Come on Jake, it's no use. She's too busy drowning in sorrow to take a word you say seriously." Evelyn said, and lifted Brenda higher, taking Jake by his arm.

"Oh believe me, Evelyn. You don't want to know what sorrow is. You've never experienced true sorrow."

"Whatever you say Calleigh. We came to offer you our apology, and we hear you had Jake transferred. When were you going to tell him?"

"Not. That's not my business. IAB will contact him soon enough. Now if you please, leave my house."

Jake shook his head and placed his hand on Evelyn's shoulder. They walked out of the house and Calleigh let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. She ran a hand through her hair when she saw a familiar face appearing in the doorstep.

"Ryan."

"Hey. I saw Jake, Evelyn and Brenda leaving. I missed all the fun, huh?"

Calleigh smiled.

"I told Jake I asked for him to be transferred."

"Ah damn, I would've given anything to see his reaction."

"Well if you have a vivid imagination, his mouth was hanging pretty close to my floor."

"Oh yeah, I can imagine that just perfectly. Good job Cal."

"Hey, it was your idea."

"Yeah, granted, but I know you would've thought of it yourself after working with him a couple of times."

"I'm sure. Good God how am I ever going to thank you for being such a great friend."

"Oh, I'm not a great friend Cal."

"Oh, yes, you are."

"Not in my eyes. Because a great friend, you can't see. They're standing behind you, having your back."

Calleigh pointed for them to sit down, and they did. She ran a hand through her hair again, she didn't know why, maybe from nervousness, maybe because it just wouldn't fall right, and smiled.

"That's…really deep."

"My mom taught me that."

"Wow. She must be an amazing person."

"You know, you kind of remind me of her. In a good way, I don't mean you look like my mother or something. Just…some qualities."

"I'm honored to be compared to your mother. From what I've heard she's a very special person, not to mention she's got a son I care for very much."

Ryan grinned his famous Ryan Wolfe grin and shifted in his seat.

"So, what are you going to do with this place?"

"I think it needs a heavy clean-up. New paint…kind of like starting a new chapter in my life."

"Make-over, southern style?"

Calleigh laughed.

"You could say that. Would you be interested in helping me out?"

"I don't know if you should trust me with your walls, but if you're willing to take the risk I'm all yours."

"I've always liked taking risks. And although it might be stupid to take yet another one, I think I can handle just this one."

"Going once, going twice, sold to the beautiful blond lady with the southern accent."

Laughter filled the room and Calleigh, for once, had the feeling that she was going to move on. That she was really starting a new chapter in her life. Turning the page to find the next one blank, waiting for her to grab a pen and start writing…

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_A/N: Mexico sounds good huh? What do you guys think of this new chapter, in my story as well as Calleigh's life?_


	14. Home is Where the Heart is

**Disclaimer: I'm on my way to return them back to CBS, Alliance, Jerry and all...so not mine anymore.  
Title: Home is where the Heart is.  
Author: Dutchie, or Nikki.  
Summary: He wipes away her tears when she cries, makes her smile when she's feeling down, and he's just always around when she needs him. But then why is she trying so hard not to be with him? CaRWash **

A/N: I was going to say: "here's a new chapter", but then I'd be forgetting something. So: "here's the LAST chapter". Yes, you're reading it right, this story is from now on, officialy and definitely complete, finished, over, whatever you want to call it.

**I want to give a big thank you to all my (loyal) reviewers, you have no idea how I appreciate your compliments, critiques and hints. Love you all very much, there's definitely gonna be more stories from me so look out for those ;) **

**This final song is from a Disney show called 'Tale Spin'. I might have watched it when I was little, but honestly I just googled 'home is where the heart is' in search of good lyrics, and found this fitted. **

**Enjoy this last chapter, and be sure this isn't the last you've heard of me. Thanks so much for reading!**

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Home is where the heart is  
Wherever you may be  
There'll always be a home for you  
Here inside of me

Home is where the heart is  
Here my heart's at home  
And you'll never be alone  
And you'll never be alone  
Remember where my heart is  
And you'll always have a home

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**Chapter fourteen: Home is Where the Heart is.**

"You missed a spot."

"…Don't you go all OCD on me."

"You know me. Besides, would you really want a white spot on your brown wall?"

Calleigh placed her hands in her sides, causing a brown smear to appear on her already dirty overall, which she was wearing over an old white shirt, her hair in two plaits.

"No, mister keen-grasp-for-the-obvious, I do not want a white spot on my brown wall."

"Hey, how do you know about that comment I made?"

"Oh please, Ryan, you do know Alexx and I talk about everything, don't you?"

"You discuss everything I say?"

"We discuss everything everyone says. Which, yes, includes you."

Using her paint brush, Calleigh painted the tiny white spot Ryan was pointing to in the same brown color as the rest of her walls.

"There. You happy now?"

"They're your walls; I'm only trying to help you."

"I know that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Are you nervous about the transfer?"

Calleigh let out an amused yet tired sigh.

"Nervous doesn't even begin to describe how I feel."

Ryan took the paint brush from her and put it away, then took her hand and made her sit down on the plastic-covered couch. Holding onto his hand, she ticked a loose strain of hear behind her ear and looked at him.

"Now tell me, what **does** describe how you feel?" Ryan asked.

"I…I don't know, I'm…relieved that there's a way to get him away from me, scared that it's not going to work and he's staying here…frightened that he'll do something to me as punishment."

Ryan took her face in his hands.

"Hey, remember, I told you I'd never let anyone hurt you again. Especially not him. And I stick to my promises."

"I know you do."

"I'll keep you safe if I have to."

"I just…I just want to…to…never mind."

"Don't 'never mind' me. You just want to what?"

"I just want to be loved…"

A smile formed on Ryan's lips as Calleigh diverted her eyes from him, shyly looked to the ground.

"That can be arranged."

"You are not setting me up on some blind date, are you?" Calleigh asked, looking up at him.

Ryan laughed and brushed her cheeks with his thumbs before letting go of her face.

"I wouldn't dream of that. No, Calleigh, you don't need to go on a blind date to be loved. You are loved in so many ways by so many people…"

"I want to be loved in **that** way, the way everyone seems to be loved, except for me."

"Oh, no. You're wrong. You're loved in that way, every single second of every single day."

Calleigh stood up abruptly and walked into the room, turning to face him.

"Then why hasn't this person stepped up to me yet?"

"He has. He's been here all along. He's just careful."

"How do you know? Careful for what, I don't understand…"

"Careful not to hurt you, Calleigh. It's really soon after you broke with Jake."

"Jake means nothing to me, not anymore. In my eyes, the whole wedding thing hasn't ever happened."

Ryan followed her example by standing up and walking towards her, grabbing her hands as she tries to walk away, giving them a light pull to make her look at him.

"That's your choice, Cal. But he doesn't want to rush things. He doesn't want to push you into things you don't want any going in to. And he hasn't yet had a sign that tells him you feel the same. That's why he hasn't…that why **I** haven't told you: I love you, Calleigh."

Tears sprung into Calleigh's eyes as she listened to his confession. Though she'd known all along that his behavior was so much more than just friends, actually hearing it filled the space in her chest that had felt empty for her, for what was probably her entire life. Hearing him say 'I love you'…just made her life complete.

"Jake…never told me that."

"Then he probably didn't feel it."

"Do you really love me?"

"With all I have inside of me, Calleigh, seeing Jake hurting you ripped me apart. I jumped in to be your shoulder to lean on, to prove to you that I'm here, and I love you, and I mean it."

Calleigh sobbed and threw herself into his arms. He pulled her close against him and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. He buried his face in her hair as his relief of telling her made a weight lift off his shoulders.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." He whispered.

"It's alright. You were thinking about my feelings. And that's probably the first time a man has done that for me."

"I'm confused about one thing though." Ryan said.

"What is it?"

"What **are** your feelings?"

Calleigh pulled away from him slightly, yet not completely. She smiled at him through her tears and ran her fingers through his hair. Her hand moved to the back of his head and she suddenly pulled him towards her, brushing her lips against his.

"Why don't you find out?" She whispered against his lips.

His eyes widened but they contained a curious and excited sparkle. His hands moved upwards over her arms until he held her by the upper arms, then wrapped his arms around her and cupped one of her cheeks. He leaned in and Calleigh closed her eyes as their lips slowly and softly locked with the other's.

The kiss started out gentle but grew passionate soon enough. When they pulled back they were both out of breath, but Ryan immediately pulled her back in for another short kiss, which made her chuckle into his mouth. She separated their lips and took a deep breath in.

"Well you sure know how to take a woman's breath away." She joked.

"I love you, Calleigh."

"I love you too, Ryan. I love you too."

She leaned her head on her shoulder and they remained standing there, holding each other close.

"I can't believe this happened." Calleigh said.

"Me neither, but I have to say that I don't mind, at all."

"Oh no, me neither. Me neither."

They smiled.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Ryan?"

"Are you kidding me? I've been wanting you for so long now…I'm not going to let you go, ever again."

"I'm so sorry I chose Jake over you."

"Shh, don't mention him now. He's going to be gone."

"I'm ruining the moment, ain't I?"

"You are." Ryan grinned. "Now you must make it up to me."

Calleigh gave him a devious smile and kissed him again, their arms still wrapped firmly around each other, with no intentions to let go. Calleigh glowed, she finally knew true love. She remembered what her parents had told her when she was just a little girl, inexperienced in life and love.

They told her home is where the heart is, and after all, her heart had been with Ryan the entire time.

"Cal?"

"Hmm?"

"I think you missed another spot."

**The End.**

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_A/N: __How about giving me one last review for this story?_


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